Jealousy: Part Three

From the previous blogs on jealousy, you can see there are many reasons why a person feels jealous. Although this is the last blog on this particular emotion, you may have your own particular take. If you care to share on your struggle with jealousy, we would love to hear from you.

This jealousy is "the one that got away". It's about having your eye on a particular person and the feeling isn't mutual. The other person may have ended the relationship when you wanted to continue. Or they may have refused or ignored your invitation. Or they may have never even known you existed.

Samantha met Taylor at a party. Something about Taylor sent off a wave of electricity in Sam the moment they were close to each other. Sam started a conversation and the two of them hit it off instantly. The chemistry between the two was undeniable. Sam let Taylor know in no uncertain terms that she was not in a relationship and was available to go out. Taylor let Sam know that she was in a relationship that was not going very well. It was near the end of the semester and they left for the summer on the note that they would meet again in the fall. They headed in different directions with Sam excited about the future. Over the course of the summer, Taylor posted on Instagram her adventures with her girlfriend. The relationship seemed to be going very well. As the summer progressed, the relationship seemed to get stronger. Sam was heartbroken. Taylor was "the one that got away." Sam had never had this kind of chemistry with anyone. It seemed weird to have such a strong connection, even though they never had a single date or kiss. There was a feeling of familiarity and connection that seemed to transcend words. Sam was not going to interfere with Taylor's choice but she was devastated. She could not imagine finding another woman who could meet her match.

This was a very difficult situation for Sam to resolve. Isn't true love about finding "the one"? Or are there any number of people we could be blissfully in love with? From the perspective of a 20 year old, it's hard to imagine that there are "a lot of fish in the sea". From the perspective of 50+ years, not so hard to imagine.

When you feel a strong connection to someone, whether it is romantic or not, you could say there is a vibrational match. This term was borrowed from Ester Hicks who described a vibrational match as someone whose general emotional theme matches yours or compliments yours. Sam struggled with accepting herself. She struggled with her identity, her body, and which bathroom she should use. She longed for someone to love and accept her as she was. Taylor was loving and accepting of herself and her sexuality. Taylor also longed for someone to love and accept her. There was a vibrational match in terms of the two needing to feel loved and accepted. There was a vibrational mismatch in terms of how they accepted themselves. Ultimately, the vibrational mismatch ended the hope for a relationship. So what is Sam to do?

First, Sam needed to recognize what she loved so much about Taylor and how they matched. She also needed to understand the mismatch and decide how she wanted to proceed. Taylor accepted herself and her sexuality. Sam found this extremely attractive. She wanted Taylor to give her this acceptance so that she could have it. But self acceptance is an inside job. You have to learn to love yourself. No one can do that for you. Sam would always be a mismatch with Taylor until she learned to accept herself.

This is not to say that Sam would have another chance with Taylor. In all likelihood, she won't. But by accepting herself she can become a vibrational match for someone who loves and accepts her and themselves.

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