© 2019 by SelfCare Health Initiatives, a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization

March 21, 2019

Have you ever started a healthy eating plan only to find that the people who are closest to you sabotage your efforts? Is this passive aggressive? Do they feel threatened about the change you are making? Do they feel guilty about their eating when you are eating healthy? Is it all unintentional and they are unaware of what they are doing?

Truth be told we can never be sure what is going on in other people's minds. It's hard enough just noticing our own thoughts. Rather than figuring out the motives of the people around you, I think it is best to focus on their behavior and make a request. Since these are not necessarily familiar ways of communicating I will talk about the 2 issues separately –1) focusing on behavior and -2) making a request.

Let's say you start eating healthy and your partne...

February 19, 2019

The Power of I


We were videotaping a segment of the online version of Beneath the Weight –
here’s what happened.


“My customary eating style is Late Night Snacker. You know how at night while
you’re watching TV and . . .“


“Cut. That was good but use the word “I” instead of “you.”


“Okay.“ said Alex. “My customary eating style is Late Night Snacker. I like to watch
TV at night and you like something salty like potatoes chips. Next thing you know .
. .”


“Cut. Good, but you said ‘you’ again. I need you to say “I”.


“Crap! I did it again? Wow! I can’t believe I did that?


“It’s okay. It’s common. If you’re like all the other people we videotaped, it will
happen many more times.”


“Okay. My customary eating style is Late Night Snacker. You know how at night
while you are wat...

September 12, 2017

Expectations are beliefs (or opinions, or convictions, or fantasy) that somethings will happen or are likely to happen. We consciously and unconsciously generate expectations all of the time based on our personal and cultural history. It is rare that as adults we walk into any kind of social situation with no expectations. 

When we walk into a restaurant we expect to be given a menu. The mailman drops off the mail around noon. Your husband should be the one who mows the grass. He should remember your birthday. He should get you that necklace that you have dropped numerous hints about and plan a surprise vacation to the Bahamas.

Wait! What?

You see how quickly expectations can go from the ordinary into pure fantasy.  

Here’s what happened to a participant of the “Beneath the Weight” progra...

September 5, 2017

What is the real problem?
 

When a client comes in to see a therapist, they have usually identified their primary problem as they see it. Often their entire life view is centered around the presenting problem, and they have developed a well thought out and planned outcome when the issue is resolved. Often they view the presenting problem as their only problem, and when this problem is solved, everything will be great.

However, life is not just one problem. Life has many challenges, but one issue can get all the blame. When this happens, individuals often become hyper-focused on one issue and ignore what may be the actual issues. When a client presents with just one issue, I often ask, “what problem will you have when this problem goes away?” I get puzzled looks and responses like “I won't ha...

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