Physical Distancing and Social Connection

I recently heard the Governor of California, Gavin Newsom correcting the terminology from social distancing to physical distancing. He explained how young people are socially connected through social media which is okay to to continue. It's the physical closeness that needs to change for now. It is hard to predict how long physical distancing will need to continue but one thing is certain, we need social connection more than ever. Generations that grew up before social media became socially connected through physical closeness. We met other parents sitting next to each other on bleachers or in school auditoriums. We worshiped next to each other on pews. We met in bars, restaurants and coffe

I am afraid

When I find myself in the round and round of a bad mental habit, I begin to look for the trigger. It is always about me; my thoughts/beliefs; my fears; and my defensiveness. I use these sentence stems and fill in the blanks to get my answer. I am afraid.... I don't want to admit.... I feel inadequate about.... By completing any of these sentences, I usually get my answer. For example: I am afraid... I can't succeed; I'm not good enough; he will leave. I don't want to admit....I was wrong; I don't know; I can't do it. I feel inadequate about...my body; my past; my finances. When you get to the trigger, you will know because your answer resonates on a deep level. These responses will also le

Bad Mental Habits

Bad mental habits are the thoughts we let roll around in our minds over and over. There is pain with the thoughts, and a touch of "it hurts so good". Even though, you know you will feel better the moment you stop thinking this way, there is often some part of us that just want to indulge. We often think of these episodes of "round and round" as a private indulgence with no consequence, but the consequences are profound. They affect every area of your life. Do you think if you did the same thing to your child that you do to yourself that there would be no consequence? Of course not. You can try to figure out why you do this. It is typically a "long and winding road, that leads to your door,

Our Story Of Our Primary Relationships

Amy is actually a very functional person. She is very competent as a paralegal and her attorney often says he couldn't practice law without her. She is a loving and supportive parent, she has good friends and gets along with most of her family, but somehow, her primary relationship is always a train wreck. The people around her can't understand how such a great person can't find the right relationship. She would desperately love to find "the one", but she has been burned so many times she is afraid to put herself out there again. She doesn't trust men and she doesn't trust herself to pick men. As a therapist, when I see this pattern of dysfunctional relationships, I look for the cause in the

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